Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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