We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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