Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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