If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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