party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
