So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
