it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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