yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
