if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
