whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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