I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
