What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
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