I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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