They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
