Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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