They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
