I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
