The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
