Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
