Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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