Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
