textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
