so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I smell like Dick and happiness
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
