I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
