WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize