I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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