She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize