does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
