if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
