I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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