I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
