haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
