I am spending my child support on dildos
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
