Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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