Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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