we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
