oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
