I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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