Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
