I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
