Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
