Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
