Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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