if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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