you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
