I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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