I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You made out with two different species that night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
