i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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