I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
