I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
