Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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