Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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