Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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