There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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