I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
