Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
