I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
