I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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