I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
