like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
