Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
