You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
