Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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