I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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