Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
