I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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