This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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