i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
