I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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