If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
