I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
