just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
