im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
