I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
