She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
