You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
