Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
