I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize