I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
