You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just high enough for therapy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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