12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
