shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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