How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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