not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
