Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
