I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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