batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
