Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
