Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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