you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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