he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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