so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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