Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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