I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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