Will you blow on my dice?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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