do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize