PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
