imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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