You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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