go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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