I cannot find my penis.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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