Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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