margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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