I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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