I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
