omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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